Hello you guys.
It has been over 7 months that I have posted. I have not forgotten about you, but to be brutally honest. I have had no inspiration what so ever. I am at a point in my life where I am finally inspired again. So I will not keep you waiting for much longer. Blog post up and away this week..
Cheers readers
Monday, July 8, 2013
Saturday, December 8, 2012
Possessed, mentally unfit or demonized
Why do some people get put down more than others. I know god gives us the cross than we can carry, but within events we wonder if the cross isn't greater than we seem to think while we are carrying it. We fail to recognize that the devil attacks out of nowhere just because we are trying our best to follow god to live with him in his amazing glory. I have a friend than is constant under scrutiny and attacks..I fear that if she doesn't acknowledge this as attacks, she will forever keep on blaming herself even though this is truly not her fault.
People always say that it is within our nature to blame ourselves for everything gone wrong, well sometimes it is our fault because we simply ignore the sign or just plain being stubborn. When we look at the bigger picture some things are done to us to cause us to forget how much we are loved by our heavenly father. In these moments of darkness we end up in a storage place in the absence of light with no departure. What we forget is that god always opens a window if we ask.
Matthew 7:8
For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
In the bible there is a part we it speak about a man that is possed by demons, he was exiled from the world because he was possed. Still jesus delivers him.
I know that in the 21 century when somebody acts like this we conclude that they are mentally ill,or unfit and then we lock them up and trow the key away,instead of looking at what is the real or original reason why a person is the way you per sieve them.
I parshally agree with this statement(not about trowing the key away)a person can be mentally ill, because of how a demon manifested itself upon this person.
Their are a million ways demons manifest themselves within god's beloved people, I'll give you different options through this post of how this can happen.Be aware this post is very long.
If you would like to read about this in the bible
Mark 5 from verse 1 to 13
I am writing this blog because I want us to start being aware of attacks, we can not and will not sit back relax and let this happen to us no longer.
Feeling unworthy of fighting for yourself is telling god that he gave his son Jesus in vain, you are questioning his own beloved/devine creation.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
The devil does not rein this earth our father does. The moment he became prideful enough to feel godly he got banned from heaven.
Ezechiel 28:11t/m 19
Jesus died for us on the cross, so that we can build a relationship with god.
He gave us power trough the blood that he spilled on the mountain of Golgotha(Greek name for the place)or Calvary to(Latin name for the place) cast out Lucifer for the way he tries to corrupt us.
Trust me he tries very hard, he wants to take as many souls as he can to Hell with him. Whether you believe in heaven or hell they are very real and at the time of your death you will visit the throne of god and he will ask you what have you done with your life, and if you have accepted his son Jesus Christ in you heart.
You shall be judged upon what you life has been. As hard and as cruel as this may sound, this is the reality wheter you believe it or not.
Here a song of inspirations and hope for all of us.
YouTube link Kutless I lift my eyes up.
I lift my eyes up
If you still wonder why some people are attacked more than other?
I might have an answer to that. We let ourselves get influenced by so much greater things than we can imagine. We do not filter ourselves from this than may (I repeat may) cause us harm or stear us towards the wrong passage with out us knowing.
I will break this down in a few things that we consider normal with out considering what it could influence in our lives.
Occultism: what is this what does is have to do with anything.
We dab into this world by choise or by people that do it for us or around us as we get more and more involved.
Simple look up your horoscope in the daily news paper..buying tarot cards just fun, having our so called future be read by a Gypsy at a country fair or letting our hand be read..Giving the old lady at an High tea a chance to read you coffee just for entertainment.
This is not as innocent as it might look,this is pure and evil witchcraft, we need to understand that we are dwelling in very dangerous territory.
What the bible says about horoscope and witchcraft
Point 2
Simple jewelry choise, wearing a virgin mary around your neck, wearing a rosemary. A budda that got as a gift. A Kabalah bracelet that is in style. Jing and Jang sign on your yoga mat.
Who are we really idolizing here with these items?You might not realize this but these are all false gods. You might not see these creatures as gods but to many people that is what the represent Even if you do not actually praise them, wearing the sign shows that you support what the stand for. You do not need to wear the word god across your chest to show that you are born again christian, you have done enough with surrendering your heart and devoting your life to his everlasting glory.
We should not worship or praise any other false gods their is one god only and no other in his image.He Jesus Christ deserves our full attention, love and devotion.
What the bible says about worshiping false gods
These are just a few simple things, there are so many more out there. I'll leave it up to you find out, if you find more things around you that are occult and that you did on a normal day to day basis, please comment let us share the knowledge
Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
To you there words of encouragement
Proverbs 3:5,6,7
5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.
For these are the ways we open door for demons to filter through
Some of us are just easy to manipulate within our ungodly ways. With most of us thinking that everybody is doing it so why not right?
I am not saying that all wordy music is bad, because you have christian that do sing worldly music and are true Christians, that are sung with pure intention instead of pure disgusting songs but there is a big difference between what kind of long you let feed you..because music feeds us, we as humans cling to music for everything.
I will illustrate with the next tree tunes
I remembered the song from t-spoon I wanna have sex on the beach. I remember singing along with this song and knowing that this is was kind of awkward, but it was a cool song and everybody was singing along so why not.
Kesha has a song where she encourages drunkenness. She sings about brushing her teeth with a a bottle of jack(a bottle of jack meaning a jack daniels Wiskey of 45% alcohol) Ok peeps do I really need to say anything about this.
You guys are going to hate me for this one
Micheal Jackson-Thriller
He sings about:
It's Close To Midnight And Something Evil's Lurking In The Dark
Under The Moonlight You See A Sight That Almost Stops Your Heart
You Try To Scream But Terror Takes The Sound Before You Make It
You Start To Freeze As Horror Looks You Right Between The Eyes,
You're Paralyzed
They're Out To Get You, There's Demons Closing In On Every Side
They Will Possess You Unless You Change The Number On Your Dial
To me this is very clear a lot of people think of MJ of as christian or a man of God. I do not know that these lies i can not look in his heart because I did not personally know him, but I do not think a man of god would sing about demons that are trying to poses us, he would rather sing about demons that God helps us overcome.
Flashback moment
When I was a 16 I used to listen to hard rock/punk rock. I had a friend that used to share the same interest and we used to share music. Once he came up to me and told me that music was telling him to kill people. Keep in mind that I used to listen to the same music as he did and I never got that from the music, I was utterly weirded out by what he was saying. I then told him to go and find other music to listen to if the music was causing him to have evil thoughts. Little did I know back than that this could actually happen. I thought then that we was just saying that to get attention.
This is exactly what I mean. The media we let get in to our house has influence even if we do not realize this, for some it neutral for some its negative. You can never really know until you start to realize what you are letting in your house is it pure evil and flit or is it some what censored.
A demon that corrupts us in our houses, when we visit people, in posters/advertisements everywhere and even when we are out and about.
Ladies and Gentlemen I present you old magnificent demon of sobriety Mr. Alcohol itself.
what effect does this have on me I'll elaborate on this with you. I used to be able to go to a event and drink just one alcohol beverage for the night and drink non alcoholic beverages for the rest of the event.I choose to be a vessel of example and I choose to avoid alcohol beverages for the remaining time that I spend on earth. I want to highlight that I am not perfect and I am not trying to be, but I do my best to walk in Jesus footsteps.
I know someone that has been under constant attracts and he does not acknowledge this his demon is one of the most common ones, and the easies on to get hung on to..
This person lost everything to this demon inside him, he lost his, wife, kids, his friend and his respect. I hope he still has his faith and that he turn to god to deliver him from this evil that lives within him.
My point is not that he should only go to church and pray he should get help but together with praying he would be able to rid of this awful desire to fill that void in his life.
If you would offer an alcoholic a drink and told him that this is the only one that he can get and that he has to promise on his life that he will not drink more than one. In less than he an 20 min he would have should his soul to Lucifer to have just one more drink.
Why do I conclude that this a demon well for one thing, well have you ever asked any alcoholic why he drank so much, they will always reply in of these scenario's I do not remember, I didn't keep count or something comes over me when I drink I COULDN'T STOP. I have been sober before.
How would you explain something that takes over the wheel of you life, to me it sound life possession.
My last example
I also know someone that is hunted buy the sexual immorality, everything she sees or does is sexual related. In her line of work she needs to help clients, she even sees her client naked, she sees her friends naked the only way she can show love is by acting it out sexually. This person did not want to be so sexually obsessed she wanted it to stop, because she was under a lot of scrutiny for this., she couldn't make it stop so instead she gave in to the demon and ended up hurting a lot op people around her.
At this point in life when I knew this person I did not know god, I did not want to know god because I was told that god did not love me because of my lifestyle was. I will elaborate someday on that.
I want to make it very clear that no matter what you are, what you have done , where you have been God will always love you. He might not like the things you do and hope that you will change you ways, but he will not love you less for them.
Possessed, mentally unfit or demonized you decide what you choose to believe.
I have made up my mind about this post may God bless you , see you next time.
People always say that it is within our nature to blame ourselves for everything gone wrong, well sometimes it is our fault because we simply ignore the sign or just plain being stubborn. When we look at the bigger picture some things are done to us to cause us to forget how much we are loved by our heavenly father. In these moments of darkness we end up in a storage place in the absence of light with no departure. What we forget is that god always opens a window if we ask.
Matthew 7:8
For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.
In the bible there is a part we it speak about a man that is possed by demons, he was exiled from the world because he was possed. Still jesus delivers him.
I know that in the 21 century when somebody acts like this we conclude that they are mentally ill,or unfit and then we lock them up and trow the key away,instead of looking at what is the real or original reason why a person is the way you per sieve them.
I parshally agree with this statement(not about trowing the key away)a person can be mentally ill, because of how a demon manifested itself upon this person.
Their are a million ways demons manifest themselves within god's beloved people, I'll give you different options through this post of how this can happen.Be aware this post is very long.
If you would like to read about this in the bible
Mark 5 from verse 1 to 13
I am writing this blog because I want us to start being aware of attacks, we can not and will not sit back relax and let this happen to us no longer.
Feeling unworthy of fighting for yourself is telling god that he gave his son Jesus in vain, you are questioning his own beloved/devine creation.
Psalm 23
King James Version (KJV)
23 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
The devil does not rein this earth our father does. The moment he became prideful enough to feel godly he got banned from heaven.
Ezechiel 28:11t/m 19
Jesus died for us on the cross, so that we can build a relationship with god.
He gave us power trough the blood that he spilled on the mountain of Golgotha(Greek name for the place)or Calvary to(Latin name for the place) cast out Lucifer for the way he tries to corrupt us.
Trust me he tries very hard, he wants to take as many souls as he can to Hell with him. Whether you believe in heaven or hell they are very real and at the time of your death you will visit the throne of god and he will ask you what have you done with your life, and if you have accepted his son Jesus Christ in you heart.
You shall be judged upon what you life has been. As hard and as cruel as this may sound, this is the reality wheter you believe it or not.
Here a song of inspirations and hope for all of us.
YouTube link Kutless I lift my eyes up.
I lift my eyes up
I lift my eyes up, unto the mountains
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from You, maker of heaven
Creator of the earth
Oh how I need you Lord
You are my only hope
You're my only prayer
So I will wait for You
To come and rescue me
To come and give me life
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from You, maker of heaven
Creator of the earth
Oh how I need you Lord
You are my only hope
You're my only prayer
So I will wait for You
To come and rescue me
To come and give me life
If you still wonder why some people are attacked more than other?
I might have an answer to that. We let ourselves get influenced by so much greater things than we can imagine. We do not filter ourselves from this than may (I repeat may) cause us harm or stear us towards the wrong passage with out us knowing.
I will break this down in a few things that we consider normal with out considering what it could influence in our lives.
Occultism: what is this what does is have to do with anything.
We dab into this world by choise or by people that do it for us or around us as we get more and more involved.
Simple look up your horoscope in the daily news paper..buying tarot cards just fun, having our so called future be read by a Gypsy at a country fair or letting our hand be read..Giving the old lady at an High tea a chance to read you coffee just for entertainment.
This is not as innocent as it might look,this is pure and evil witchcraft, we need to understand that we are dwelling in very dangerous territory.
This is not such thing as white magic/witchcraft, who are we to decide if it is evil or not did we create it I think not. Since when is having influence on people by doing something in secret is considered a good thing or an act of kindness. El Olam(The
Everlasting God)
of our existence created so much but this is not something given by god, this is yet one other tool that the devil created to keep us captive in his web of deceit and false hope for a better world. What the bible says about horoscope and witchcraft
Deuteronomy 18:10-14
10 There shall not be found among you anyone who burns his son or his daughter as an offering,[a] anyone who practices divination or tells fortunes or interprets omens, or a sorcerer 11 or a charmer or a medium or a necromancer or one who inquires of the dead, 12 for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord. And because of these abominations the Lord your God is driving them out before you. 13 You shall be blameless before the Lord your God, 14 for these nations, which you are about to dispossess, listen to fortune-tellers and to diviners. But as for you, the Lord your God has not allowed you to do this.Point 2
Simple jewelry choise, wearing a virgin mary around your neck, wearing a rosemary. A budda that got as a gift. A Kabalah bracelet that is in style. Jing and Jang sign on your yoga mat.
Who are we really idolizing here with these items?You might not realize this but these are all false gods. You might not see these creatures as gods but to many people that is what the represent Even if you do not actually praise them, wearing the sign shows that you support what the stand for. You do not need to wear the word god across your chest to show that you are born again christian, you have done enough with surrendering your heart and devoting your life to his everlasting glory.
We should not worship or praise any other false gods their is one god only and no other in his image.He Jesus Christ deserves our full attention, love and devotion.
What the bible says about worshiping false gods
Exodus 20:4-6
“You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or serve them, for I the Lord your God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers on the children to the third and the fourth generation of those who hate me, but showing steadfast love to thousands of those who love me and keep my commandments.
These are just a few simple things, there are so many more out there. I'll leave it up to you find out, if you find more things around you that are occult and that you did on a normal day to day basis, please comment let us share the knowledge
Psalm 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.
To you there words of encouragement
Proverbs 3:5,6,7
5 Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
6 In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
7 Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil.
For these are the ways we open door for demons to filter through
Some of us are just easy to manipulate within our ungodly ways. With most of us thinking that everybody is doing it so why not right?
I am not saying that all wordy music is bad, because you have christian that do sing worldly music and are true Christians, that are sung with pure intention instead of pure disgusting songs but there is a big difference between what kind of long you let feed you..because music feeds us, we as humans cling to music for everything.
I will illustrate with the next tree tunes
I remembered the song from t-spoon I wanna have sex on the beach. I remember singing along with this song and knowing that this is was kind of awkward, but it was a cool song and everybody was singing along so why not.
Kesha has a song where she encourages drunkenness. She sings about brushing her teeth with a a bottle of jack(a bottle of jack meaning a jack daniels Wiskey of 45% alcohol) Ok peeps do I really need to say anything about this.
You guys are going to hate me for this one
Micheal Jackson-Thriller
He sings about:
It's Close To Midnight And Something Evil's Lurking In The Dark
Under The Moonlight You See A Sight That Almost Stops Your Heart
You Try To Scream But Terror Takes The Sound Before You Make It
You Start To Freeze As Horror Looks You Right Between The Eyes,
You're Paralyzed
They're Out To Get You, There's Demons Closing In On Every Side
They Will Possess You Unless You Change The Number On Your Dial
To me this is very clear a lot of people think of MJ of as christian or a man of God. I do not know that these lies i can not look in his heart because I did not personally know him, but I do not think a man of god would sing about demons that are trying to poses us, he would rather sing about demons that God helps us overcome.
Flashback moment
When I was a 16 I used to listen to hard rock/punk rock. I had a friend that used to share the same interest and we used to share music. Once he came up to me and told me that music was telling him to kill people. Keep in mind that I used to listen to the same music as he did and I never got that from the music, I was utterly weirded out by what he was saying. I then told him to go and find other music to listen to if the music was causing him to have evil thoughts. Little did I know back than that this could actually happen. I thought then that we was just saying that to get attention.
This is exactly what I mean. The media we let get in to our house has influence even if we do not realize this, for some it neutral for some its negative. You can never really know until you start to realize what you are letting in your house is it pure evil and flit or is it some what censored.
A demon that corrupts us in our houses, when we visit people, in posters/advertisements everywhere and even when we are out and about.
Ladies and Gentlemen I present you old magnificent demon of sobriety Mr. Alcohol itself.
what effect does this have on me I'll elaborate on this with you. I used to be able to go to a event and drink just one alcohol beverage for the night and drink non alcoholic beverages for the rest of the event.I choose to be a vessel of example and I choose to avoid alcohol beverages for the remaining time that I spend on earth. I want to highlight that I am not perfect and I am not trying to be, but I do my best to walk in Jesus footsteps.
I know someone that has been under constant attracts and he does not acknowledge this his demon is one of the most common ones, and the easies on to get hung on to..
This person lost everything to this demon inside him, he lost his, wife, kids, his friend and his respect. I hope he still has his faith and that he turn to god to deliver him from this evil that lives within him.
My point is not that he should only go to church and pray he should get help but together with praying he would be able to rid of this awful desire to fill that void in his life.
If you would offer an alcoholic a drink and told him that this is the only one that he can get and that he has to promise on his life that he will not drink more than one. In less than he an 20 min he would have should his soul to Lucifer to have just one more drink.
Why do I conclude that this a demon well for one thing, well have you ever asked any alcoholic why he drank so much, they will always reply in of these scenario's I do not remember, I didn't keep count or something comes over me when I drink I COULDN'T STOP. I have been sober before.
How would you explain something that takes over the wheel of you life, to me it sound life possession.
My last example
I also know someone that is hunted buy the sexual immorality, everything she sees or does is sexual related. In her line of work she needs to help clients, she even sees her client naked, she sees her friends naked the only way she can show love is by acting it out sexually. This person did not want to be so sexually obsessed she wanted it to stop, because she was under a lot of scrutiny for this., she couldn't make it stop so instead she gave in to the demon and ended up hurting a lot op people around her.
At this point in life when I knew this person I did not know god, I did not want to know god because I was told that god did not love me because of my lifestyle was. I will elaborate someday on that.
I want to make it very clear that no matter what you are, what you have done , where you have been God will always love you. He might not like the things you do and hope that you will change you ways, but he will not love you less for them.
Possessed, mentally unfit or demonized you decide what you choose to believe.
I have made up my mind about this post may God bless you , see you next time.
Wednesday, October 31, 2012
Part 3.3 of my very long post
In August 2012 is spend the most amazing time at the conference in Zwolle Netherlands. I met new people and made friends.
This is where I heard my calling for the fist time, God literally spoke to me and I answered.(Not like I had an option hahahha)
I went to this conference not knowing what to expect at all. I went to the conference still fired up by God, but with less commitment than I have today.
Their were many amazing preachers, they talked about being lukewarm christian or being fired-up and about how to keep yourself fired up.
They talked about stretching out our tent(meaning the church we serve under,I serve under the congregation of the deur or the potterhouse but I explain in an other post what we stand for)
They talked about the calling of god, the calling for pioneering a church somewhere in the world or the calling to be an active member of you church and being a disciple.
How many people don't know that the are being called or wonder if the have what it takes.
While the preacher was addressing the sermon of being fired-up and how God rather us being backsliders than a lukewarm Christians,side note
Backslider: a christian that has fallen into sin and the has repented and chose to follow Christ again, meaning made the choice to follow in Jesus footsteps again after falling in sin.(it does not mean that this person can keep on sinning as much as he wants as long as he repents, just making sure you know this)
Lukewarm christian: what is the fall back in that, well if you are lukewarm and not active not reading you bible not praying, you are drifting of to a cliff without knowing that you will end up not being saved when the rapture comes.
It really stood out to me what the preacher was saying, that we can become lukewarm more like an coma way of a Christan you are there but not really there. I wondered how to keep myself fired up.
I was struggling at the conference, so many people where so very far in there experience with god there I was and I could not even speak in tongues after 5 months I felt like such a bad christian.
As the preacher that was talking about things that we have in our lives that hold us back, how things we do or not keeps us on some level sheltered from god.
I started to realize that I had my share of stuff that blocked my personal relationship with god.
I still had piercings and music that was not godly or gospel, I had jewelry that was not the right choice for me at that moment in my life, I even had a gifts from people that I knew were wrong but just kept them because they were given to me. (It's king of weird if somebody gives you something contagious would you keep it)I knew in my heart that I had to change a lot a give god my full devotion if I really wanted to do great things in his name. I was still very unsure how.
add clips of the conference to this blog
The last day of the conference the same preacher was preaching again about lukewarm Christians and backsliders and I was not a backslider nor a lukewarm christian. So as I listened to him preach I found it hard to pay attention because I fell like I heard this before.
Until he started preaching towards us that were not lukewarm or backslider, he was talking about encouraging ourselves to do more for god and waking up and stop being lazy by just doing just enough to get us through.
Challenge ourselves to do more so that we can learn more.
With this he asked who wanted to be prayed for that wanted more fire, wanted to be more activated.
With him saying this I knew I needed to walk forward but I wasn't sure I could, I kept on wondering what others would think of me..It was like I was lifted of my chair and I found myself kneeling in front of the altar in gods arms.
Praying and asking god to forgive me and that I heard his voice and that I knew what he was asking of me and that I would do my utter best to become a example and a vessel to do everything within gods grace. I was praying and weeping telling god as soon as I got home my piercing would be taken of my music would be out of my house my movies will be gone and everything that would not reflect the way god makes me feel.
I asked my pastor how do I know what to trow out and what to keep.My pastor said the best way to look at is is, if Jesus would visit your house would he be embarrassed by anything he saw in you possession.He could have not said it any clearer.
I have not watch anything worldly in a while until a friend of mine came along with a series that I used to watch called Fringe. I told myself that there was nothing wrong with it and that it was only fantasy.
I watch a few episodes and I must admit I still liked the series, but it is not who I am anymore.
The reason for the change is very simple, I want to be a example for people that are struggling in their walk with Christ, I might not struggle with fringe or it might not give me the wrong ideas, but not everybody reacts the same way to everything the get exposed to.
I'll give you an example I had a friend back when I lived in an Island and we used to listen to the same kinda of hard rock band only he came up to me and told me that the music was telling him to kill people, I remember looking at him as if he was kidding. He was serious, I told him that he should choose other music to listen to then.
So I decided to give my friend Fringe back and continue with my vision. I want to set the example that it is possible the live without watching or listening things from the word. With this I leave you with 2 amazing movies to watch Christian of course and 2 bands I really enjoy music from.
Courageous
Quality: 
When a tragedy strikes close to home, four police officers struggle
with their faith and their roles as husbands and fathers; together they
make a decision that will change all of their lives.
you can watch this movie online
Facing the Giants: A losing coach with an underdog
football team faces their giants of fear and failure on and off the
field to surprising results
|
 | |
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vJ6aJknbus
here you can listen to strong tower by Kutless
here you can listen to the art of breaking from a thousand foot krutch
A poem I wrote sometime ago
My heart feels like a fragments of shattered glass
that pierce through every molecule of my body
every time I try to extract the fragments from my bloodline
I cave under the high pitch screams of my inner self
and the unbearable pain and intense flavor of
acid metallic blood that I can taste within me
as my soul begs me to abandon the task
You tore my heart out and fed the agonizing constructions
to you soul fueled by Lucifer minions.
I gave you aces to my life machine
so that you took the segments apart
as I lay there and did nothing to stop you.
I wrote this poem about 2 months and 1 years ago.I have written a lot of poetry in my life , but it seems that I only could write when I was miserable or in a lot of pain or very sad.
Agony seemed to be my fuel, I wrote from a very dark place that I never want to return to.
At this unilluminated moment in my life I have to confess that I did have suicidal thoughts, I am not proud of it but I want to be as honest as possible on my blog.
I believed my life was over and that there was no other way than digging my own grave with my bare hands bleeding and all because I deserved it.
I felt so alone in this world a believed that it would be a relief to plenty people if I just took my own life.
It's amazing how I can look back at myself and know the person that wrote that poem but I do not recognize her face anymore. The physical aspect of the person is in there but the true essence is absent.
Hatred and bitterness turned me into a pretty good poet,it had such a grip on me but even with all the talent I was not happy within me, the me that did not love herself not even one bit.
I would tell people I did which was a big fat lie.
For this and many reason I thank my heavenly father
- I thank you for forever changing me into the person I am today.
- Thank you for me being able to let that person go and put her to rest.
- Thank you for showing me that there is an other way to look at myself, your way with your love
- Thank you for letting me feel and know that I am your daughter and you will always love and accept me and that your love will never change it will be ever lasting love a the only father that will never forsake me.
I started this blog as a stepping stone for me to be able to write my story into a book.I want to write a book that I hope will inspire people someday through my struggles and my achievements I hope to help people with the struggle maybe even plant some seeds for god to be able to grow his trees.
English is not my fist language, so there will be awful grammar mistakes and I am trying to learn from them. If my grammar bothers you please look at all the positive things that ooze from my blog and forget the little things like a spelling mistake.
If my grammar still bugs you my blog is not effective enough to inspire you, I urge you to find a blog that does inspire you and is spelling friendly.
If my spelling bugs you but you are still inspired, please tell me what I can change and I will do my best to keep on learning.
As for me I promise to learn from my mistakes and by feedback. I would like to be able to write my book in the future without having numerous people going through it to dig out all the mistakes.
I hope then to have practiced enough English so that I can write a book that is worthy to be inspired you.
I want to leave you with food for thought.
Jesus Loves you and the devil is the author of confusion
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
walking the path
Hey you guys well here is my next post, get ready here it comes
In my first blog I talked about my "doping" (an inside joke for the dutch native speaker), just kidding. I talked about my baptism and how amazing that experience was for me, especially that fact that \i could share t with people that I hold close to my heart.
I keep on repeating that my life has just begun, I have just started living about 10 months ago. 10 Months ago .I stepped foot in church or should I say god was calling me and I followed his voice without knowing. (finally)
It was not planned at all, I was not expecting to ever set foot in a church let alone see myself become a devoted christian
God knocked on my door many times, I would open the door but never let god in, he never left my doorstep, just like he will never leave yours. On that day about 10 months ago I opened a door and invited god into my life, to come and drink a cup op infusions tea with me, walk with him in his garden, sing a song to him. I can only speak from my experience how amazing life can be when you open that door that God had been knocking on, how great it would be to walk in the valley with him that he created, to surrender your life to the all mighty father, THE ONE father that will love you forever, no matter, who you are, no matter where your from, no matter where you came from, no matter what you've done, as long as you stretch out your hand and and give god a chance to walk with you within his might grace.
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me Revelations 2:3
To me evangelizing is purely talking to people about god, Jesus and the holy ghost. In the bible it is stated that we should go out and let people know the word of god.
I quote the bible: And he said to them, “Go to the entire world and preach my Good News in all creation. Mark 16:15.
So it is more than natural for me to go out there and tell people about his work and how amazing his mighty grace is. If you look at it from a physical point of view, he suffered so much for our sins, they pierced his wrists and his ankles with at rusty nail, and let him hang with all this pain, he is still thinking about us and said to our father forgive the father because the know not what they do.
I quote: Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing Luke 23:34
Even in the darkest moment of his life with us (ungrateful humans) on earth he thought about us and asked our father to forgive us, how selfless is that, I am not sure if I would be crucified and hanging there in pain that I could think about anybody else but me and of course I am only human, which Jesus wasn't.
Evey time I struggle with the faith that I am tired of I don't feel like going out to evangelize, I am remind myself of where would I be today f I haven't gotten saved. This automatically gets me fire up to go out and tell the world ( ok Leiden not the world) what mighty things he has done for me, because people seem to understand my personal story better than me standing there and quoting the bible.
I want to tell you that evangelizing is also a mirror to me, it reflects through people we meet how I used to think and how much I've change and this helps me understand so much better why it is so difficult for people to believe in god and the he will love you and forgive you, if only you would sincerely ask him to.
I went along with a Pastor that came to help us out from Moldova and I went along to evangelize with him so I could translate if needed. He stopped to talked to this guys that was what he would consider as an outcast.
As he was talking to the guy, I talked to his girlfriend. She was about 14 very insecure she was being bullied buy others. As I was explaining to her that god loves her and that bad thoughts are not from God but from the devil, she replied that when I think bad thoughts about myself is because they are true other people tell me that also. I looked at her in disbelieve and I urged her not to think bad about herself, because god created her perfect, just the way he wanted, he though about how he wanted her to be and his whispered it and she was born and not to let anybody tell he otherwise.
As I was Talking to a her I realized how much power was within what I just said to the girl. I felt like an hypocrite, I was preaching to this young girl with the best intentions but I myself struggled with the fact that I did not love myself as God loves me. I needed so much work done before I would be able to preach this again to any woman of man, because I wanted it to be real to me when I spoke it.
This was a while back before my baptism, thankfully god had made me change I love myself like never before, I believe in greater things to come in my life, I believe that god has a wonderful purpose for me.
I also wanted to thank my pastor and his wife for always being there for me, and having a listening ear, I say Amen to that.
Trough my path with Jesus I have changed so much within me, I am a complete different person than about a year ago, the holy spirit has shown me so many wonderful things that I am and will eventually become further in live.
I am eternally grateful that this is possible trough Jesus Christ.
I only strive to keep on growing within, so that I can inspire people and become a true inspiration to many others that struggle or look for guidance in the path with god. I hope that when you read my blog you get inspired to do more of to look up what the fuss is all about.
I dare you today if you do not know god or think that he is just a myth, ask him today, if you are really there will forgive me my sins and let yourself be known, because remember he is waiting on your doormat.
part 3 will follow
In my first blog I talked about my "doping" (an inside joke for the dutch native speaker), just kidding. I talked about my baptism and how amazing that experience was for me, especially that fact that \i could share t with people that I hold close to my heart.
I keep on repeating that my life has just begun, I have just started living about 10 months ago. 10 Months ago .I stepped foot in church or should I say god was calling me and I followed his voice without knowing. (finally)
It was not planned at all, I was not expecting to ever set foot in a church let alone see myself become a devoted christian
God knocked on my door many times, I would open the door but never let god in, he never left my doorstep, just like he will never leave yours. On that day about 10 months ago I opened a door and invited god into my life, to come and drink a cup op infusions tea with me, walk with him in his garden, sing a song to him. I can only speak from my experience how amazing life can be when you open that door that God had been knocking on, how great it would be to walk in the valley with him that he created, to surrender your life to the all mighty father, THE ONE father that will love you forever, no matter, who you are, no matter where your from, no matter where you came from, no matter what you've done, as long as you stretch out your hand and and give god a chance to walk with you within his might grace.
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me Revelations 2:3
To me evangelizing is purely talking to people about god, Jesus and the holy ghost. In the bible it is stated that we should go out and let people know the word of god.
I quote the bible: And he said to them, “Go to the entire world and preach my Good News in all creation. Mark 16:15.
So it is more than natural for me to go out there and tell people about his work and how amazing his mighty grace is. If you look at it from a physical point of view, he suffered so much for our sins, they pierced his wrists and his ankles with at rusty nail, and let him hang with all this pain, he is still thinking about us and said to our father forgive the father because the know not what they do.
I quote: Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing Luke 23:34
Even in the darkest moment of his life with us (ungrateful humans) on earth he thought about us and asked our father to forgive us, how selfless is that, I am not sure if I would be crucified and hanging there in pain that I could think about anybody else but me and of course I am only human, which Jesus wasn't.
Evey time I struggle with the faith that I am tired of I don't feel like going out to evangelize, I am remind myself of where would I be today f I haven't gotten saved. This automatically gets me fire up to go out and tell the world ( ok Leiden not the world) what mighty things he has done for me, because people seem to understand my personal story better than me standing there and quoting the bible.
I want to tell you that evangelizing is also a mirror to me, it reflects through people we meet how I used to think and how much I've change and this helps me understand so much better why it is so difficult for people to believe in god and the he will love you and forgive you, if only you would sincerely ask him to.
I went along with a Pastor that came to help us out from Moldova and I went along to evangelize with him so I could translate if needed. He stopped to talked to this guys that was what he would consider as an outcast.
As he was talking to the guy, I talked to his girlfriend. She was about 14 very insecure she was being bullied buy others. As I was explaining to her that god loves her and that bad thoughts are not from God but from the devil, she replied that when I think bad thoughts about myself is because they are true other people tell me that also. I looked at her in disbelieve and I urged her not to think bad about herself, because god created her perfect, just the way he wanted, he though about how he wanted her to be and his whispered it and she was born and not to let anybody tell he otherwise.
As I was Talking to a her I realized how much power was within what I just said to the girl. I felt like an hypocrite, I was preaching to this young girl with the best intentions but I myself struggled with the fact that I did not love myself as God loves me. I needed so much work done before I would be able to preach this again to any woman of man, because I wanted it to be real to me when I spoke it.
This was a while back before my baptism, thankfully god had made me change I love myself like never before, I believe in greater things to come in my life, I believe that god has a wonderful purpose for me.
I also wanted to thank my pastor and his wife for always being there for me, and having a listening ear, I say Amen to that.
Trough my path with Jesus I have changed so much within me, I am a complete different person than about a year ago, the holy spirit has shown me so many wonderful things that I am and will eventually become further in live.
I am eternally grateful that this is possible trough Jesus Christ.
I only strive to keep on growing within, so that I can inspire people and become a true inspiration to many others that struggle or look for guidance in the path with god. I hope that when you read my blog you get inspired to do more of to look up what the fuss is all about.
I dare you today if you do not know god or think that he is just a myth, ask him today, if you are really there will forgive me my sins and let yourself be known, because remember he is waiting on your doormat.
part 3 will follow
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Hey you guys well here is my next post, get ready here it comes
In my first blog I talked about my "doping" (an inside joke for the dutch native speaker), just kidding. I talked about my baptism and how amazing that experience was for me, especially that fact that I could share it with people that I hold close to my heart.
I keep on repeating that my life has just begun, I have just started living about 10 months ago. 10 Months ago .I stepped foot in church or should I say god was calling me and I followed his voice without knowing. (finally)
It was not planned at all, I was not expecting to ever set foot in a church let alone see myself become a devoted christian
God knocked on my door many times, I would open the door but never let god in, he never left my doorstep, just like he will never leave yours. On that day about 10 months ago I opened a door and invited god into my life, to come and drink a cup op infusions tea with me, walk with him in his garden, sing a song to him. I can only speak from my experience how amazing life can be when you open that door that God has been knocking on, how great it would be to walk in the valley with him that he created, to surrender your life to the all mighty father, THE ONE father that will love you forever, no matter, who you are, no matter where your from, no matter where you came from, no matter what you've done, as long as you stretch out your hand and and give god a chance to walk with you within his might grace.
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will eat with him, and he with me Revelations 2:3
This the first part of my blog part 2 will follow.
In my first blog I talked about my "doping" (an inside joke for the dutch native speaker), just kidding. I talked about my baptism and how amazing that experience was for me, especially that fact that I could share it with people that I hold close to my heart.
I keep on repeating that my life has just begun, I have just started living about 10 months ago. 10 Months ago .I stepped foot in church or should I say god was calling me and I followed his voice without knowing. (finally)
It was not planned at all, I was not expecting to ever set foot in a church let alone see myself become a devoted christian
God knocked on my door many times, I would open the door but never let god in, he never left my doorstep, just like he will never leave yours. On that day about 10 months ago I opened a door and invited god into my life, to come and drink a cup op infusions tea with me, walk with him in his garden, sing a song to him. I can only speak from my experience how amazing life can be when you open that door that God has been knocking on, how great it would be to walk in the valley with him that he created, to surrender your life to the all mighty father, THE ONE father that will love you forever, no matter, who you are, no matter where your from, no matter where you came from, no matter what you've done, as long as you stretch out your hand and and give god a chance to walk with you within his might grace.
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will eat with him, and he with me Revelations 2:3
This the first part of my blog part 2 will follow.
Sunday, September 30, 2012
First of the firsts
Is this you first time on my blog, welcome welcome oh ye ow faithful. Guess what, we already have something in common, it is also my first time on his blog.
Today is my first post of many post to come ( hope I can keep it up).
Why I choose to post today, we'll it is pretty simple. I have an amazing announcement to make .Drum roll please....................................................................................................................................................
..............................................................................................................................................................
...................................................................ok ok I'll tell you already, I went to baptism today, my own baptism and I am still super hyper and happy that I made that choose to keep on following God as I have for the last 10 months.
I had an amazing time and I am so grateful for all support I got from my pastor and his wife (Sonia en Micha you guys totally rock), not to forget my friends that had I invited that were there for me Desie en Fiona thank you guys you are true fiends and I keep you very close to my heart. Debz my friend that got baptized with me we could lean on each other and pull each other trough the nerves and excitement, to you Debz also thank you.
So how was it you ask..mhhhh let me see.
The day before I was anxious and nervous and I spoke to my pastor to ask him what it was like, he didn't give an thorough explanation , he did explained that what I was feeling was completely natural (not understanding that more of an explanation would have only made me worry more)
On the day itself I was not nervous anymore, after watching the movie SUING THE DEVIL at church, I was dropped home and I decided to watch something that evolved prophets to calm me down, so I went on the internet to see what I could find and I found 4 stories that I watch animated (http://www.jesusandthebibletoday.com/just_for_kids.html)but they gave me enough courage and strength to not be anxious anymore because the also choose to follow Jesus and be at his side and so would I.
30 September 2012 I was at church in the morning and I was Hyper as always, I enjoyed the music and the preaching for some reason more that usual, I sang happier, I was an a very different level that I normally am.
After the service I took pictures before we left to Delft where we would be baptized in a pool. My Pastor arranged that we had an extra car so that even the people that where not going to be baptized could be ale to travel with us to be present at our baptism.
It was an wonderful experience witch I would love to share with as many people as I can, but only God can move within you when you need him the most so just open the door and let him in.
Pictures will follow..and I.ll keep you posted
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